Can You Hear Me Now?

Some companies really can hit a home run in advertising with slogans. I recall the expression "where's the beef?" that swept the nation and was used for everything from business presentations to movie critics.  Even though it is gone from mainstream advertising, I love the "can you hear me now?" slogan.   It almost always gets used when testing microphones.  The funny part is when people unfamiliar to a microphone are testing it, they will use the line as if they are the very first clever person to use it in that context. I will usually say "please speak into the mic so I can get a level for you".  They almost always respond with "test, testing" or even "check, check one, check two", since it seems to be the thing to say when checking a microphone. Then comes their best clever line such as "can you hear me now?" followed by an apprehensive glance toward me to see if I thought it was funny.  Depending on how my day is going up to that point I will smile as if amused or simply ignore the comment as if I am involved in some sort of major adjustment to make their voice sound like James Earl Jones.  As many times as we watch shows like American Idol, people are still uncertain what to do with a microphone.  Some people use it as if it were an ice cream cone, holding it in front of them careful not to tip it over.  When I explain they need to speak directly into the mic to be heard, they tilt their head, keeping the mic upright.  Others assume the pose of a rock star singer, tilting the mic up as if a tasty beverage will pour out and they can drink from it.   It works, but it looks more like the "hide your face" pose to the audience (unless you turn sideways, then it is cool).  I also like the "talk with your hand"s guy.  He holds the microphone as if it were another prop of some kind, and waves it around as he talks with his hands, oblivious to the fact he now sounds as if we have a sound system problem that is going in and out.  Then we have my favorite.  The "I don't need a microphone" people.  I am not sure if they are just terrified of a mic or actually think their voice will be heard in the large room.  This person starts with a loud "can you hear me now?" to the crowd, met with a few nods in the front row, then proceeds to talk in a diminishing volume to less than normal speaking voice.
A similar effect is achieved in writing by making the font smaller.... 
Microphones confuse people.  When faced with a tiny clip-on mic, many people will try and hold it up to their mouths as if it were.....well.....a hand held mic. Thus the name.  The clip-on mic sounds great when clipped just below the collar and terrible when placed near a necklace or chain that constantly rubs across it giving the effect of a storm approaching.  A microphone placed on a podium is usually capable of picking up the average voice at the average height.  The same people who hold a hand-held mic like an ice cream cone will grab the podium mic and try to aim it so their voice will flow down into it.  Wonderful loud noises happen and everyone turns to look at the sound booth as if they are causing the noise... despite the person wrestling with the microphone stand.  Yes it is on.  Yes we can hear you.
Can you picture Jesus and his sermon on the mount?  Enter the Audioites. This lesser-known Biblical tribe is full of trained sound guys.  They were used to design many of the amphitheaters in the old days. "Here Jesus, we need you to speak through this large cone so everyone will hear you."  Jesus says, "I don't need a microphone."  Classic.  He turns to the crowd and says "Can you hear me now?" After a few nods of approval, he turns to the disciples and says "You better write this down....."